Because of you, I am about to watch My Little Pony on Netflix
Dear Emma, if I remember your name right. Could have been Emily I suppose, and I am sorry if I got it wrong. You deserve better. But, we knew eachother very briefly, a long time ago, in a lifetime that seems like it belonged to someone else.
You were such a sweet and well behaved child.
I wish we could have spent more time together, but as you know, your brother Craig (is it Craig?, it’s not Greg, that’s the older one, I think?) was the hogger of my attention and his epic tantrums made sure you were left to play on your own most of the time.
My Little Pony was the show you loved the most and it was the main thing we ‘played’ together. Watching hours and hours and hours on repeat of the same show.
I didn’t mind. I found I liked My Little Pony and really appreciated it’s sophisticated way of tackling life’s complexities in a way a five and 18 year old could both enjoy.
I expect you just liked all the pretty colours. You had all the little ponies and we’d sit in your room and look at them and talk about them and arrange them this way and that, for up to ten minutes and then your brother would start wailing and whining and before you know it I would capitulate and go to his room to play with his toys, his way.
I didn’t want to, Emma. I bitterly complained to your mother, but, I can tell you this now, she wasn’t interested. You were quiet and she wanted him quiet too, and the way to achieve that was to give him what he wanted.
She wasn’t going to take parenting advice from a teenager. She would shut herself in her room or go out with your father and I would be left to manage a diabolical seven year old and your teenage half-brothers who were their own kind of handful.
There was that one time your oldest brother brought his girlfriend over for loud sex when your parents were out for an evening.
Craig had to have the door open so that he could call me if he was scared (you never had such privileges somehow). This meant that I had to listen to all the moaning and groaning instead of turning up the music in my room and covering my head with a pillow. There was also a worry that Craig would wake up and ask what the noise was or, worse, barge in and see.
The next day I made my mind up to leave. I felt so guilty because I’d be leaving you and you did nothing to deserve such abandonment. At least you all went on holiday at the same time and when you came back there was likely a new Au Pair. I hope she stuck around and that you liked her. I hope she watched My Little Pony with you.
Emma, I don’t think I would recognise you if I saw you today, but I remember you were cute as a button and sweeter than your favourite little pony. You spoke so well at five years old, so composed and hardly ever complained or cried and never demanded or raged or blackmailed like your brother did. Not once.
It is mind boggling that such a wonderful child managed to happen to the chaos that was your family, pardon the shade.
Emma, I hope you are doing well and maybe even watching My Little Pony with your own Emma Junior.
I wanted to say I am so sorry for leaving so early. I expect you don’t even remember me. You must have had so many Au Pairs. It was a long time ago. You were a small child.
Nevertheless, I want to say sorry for not sticking up for you more and finding a way to be with you at least equally as much as with your brothers.
I hope you are doing OK. You’ll be about 37 years old now. I often wonder how your lives turned out. I hope you are very happy.
I’ve never forgotten you.
Friendship is Magic.